work...its a laugh

It’s funny. I walked in to work this morning having had a delightful start to the day and I’m writing this because I’m sad that the delight has gone so easily.

I woke up naturally and early. I knew that I would wake in the morning with a newly discovered shadow of my body after the yoga class last night, where we stretched and breathed our way into new forms. It was a pleasant aching that I felt. The radio happened to be tuned to Radio 3 –and the easy tension of classical music sat well with the feeling in my body. I had a leisurely breakfast - alone for a while and then joined by my brother, sister-in-law and nephew. I walked outside and tended to a few of the vegetable plants – nothing heavy, just a little bit of TLC. I walked down to the train station with plenty of time and found myself on the platform with a few moments of silence to stop and stare. I stared. On the train I sat for a while and I then pulled out my current read – a rather large book about the history of work that has just started engaging my attention. Toward the end of the journey I leafed through some notes and had a moment of inspiration about some pending task at work. I noted down my thoughts and sat back satisfied. I took the early stop on the train so I would have the slightly longer walk into the office along some quiet side streets.

I walked the half mile at a pace but steadily and consciously. Opposing fore-finger and thumb.
And then onto the main street behind the office.
Round the corner.

I’m getting my key fob out and waving it in front of the security sensor. And now I’m in the office. I walk up the stairs. And then suddenly I am here. In a now increasingly familiar place that feels…..

A couple of colleagues are already at their desks, typing away and looking industrious. I say hello and hear a hello back. But there is more than hello that I hear. I hear something like ‘we’re busy working’. I stop myself from saying anything further. I don’t share my calm. I don’t feel they want my energy. It would get in the way of the productivity. Efficiency and accountability has cold voice.

I walk away quietly, quickly to the toilet to wash my possibly H1N1 infected hands. Time to get on. It’s not so funny now.