A couple of months ago I was told by a wise woman that I ought to be weary of guru's and that I may find relationships with them difficult because of 'my nature'. I wasn't entirely sure what she meant by the delicate phrasing - 'my nature' - but when she offered me her words it certainly struck a chord....I have tended to adopt a quite a sceptical attitude towards people who act and are treated as if they are gurus. I'm aware that gurus are jointly and dynamically 'created' through and in relationship (in the same way that someone or thing on taking a parent-type role in a relationship requires the other to be take on a child-type role). And yet, still I've found myself surprised, intrigued and sometimes even upset by the faith that some people seem to have for their guru. I've sometimes felt disturbed by the relative difficulty I have in associating with such figures compared with others; am I lacking in sufficient humility or respect? This tension has increased a little recently, as I've discovered that in some traditions, the role of the guru is regarded as quite important in the context of an individual's own spiritual or developmental journey.
The other day I had a image come to me that has helped me understand the tension I encounter a little bit better. I rolled the internal picture forward a few frames and here's the movie that played:
A man - thin, wiry, dark - is climbing a tree (its not a broad and sturdy English oak or a sparkling spruce; maybe its more like a coconut tree. Yes, that's it – a coconut or palm tree of some sort, swaying in a warm ocean breeze). The chap is climbing the tree, steadily and surely.
Now, the image splits into two separate films.
In one film, as our hero works his way up the tree and we see another fellow above him, climbing this same tree. As he clambers ever higher, debris falls down. Our wiry man barely notices the leaves and twigs falling down. But the leading climber eventually knocks a big fat, green coconut off. Down it tumbles. It hits a branch just above Wireman and whistles past his face. Huh. The grip is less certain now. It looks a long way down and it suddenly seems as if the momentum has changed direction – what goes up....
His guru calls down and Wireman dares to look up. Its easy, he calls. You just need to keep going. Motivational stuff from up there. Listen, bhaiya, positive mental attitude is needed to reach such altitude. Beneficient smile, sweetness and might. You can't be thinking negative thoughts now. Believe me, I did it. Come, yar. Come.
Wireman looks up and then pushes off with his right foot. He misses his footing and for a moment, he's a-gone-a....
Cut to...
Wireman 2.
Its not a sequel or prequel. More like a para-quel. Another story, another vision. Same lighting. Wireman is climbing the tree. Steadily and surely. And the guru is also climbing, sending down his debris. But what's this? The shot pans out....Its not the same tree at all. They're on different trees. And our wiry fellow is making his way up, without those kind gifts from guru-ji's showering down upon him. He looks over to his friend, who seems to be climbing high, and then looks up to the top of his tree. Oh, that's far. How on earth...He notices a sturdy looking branch, sticking out to the side and its within reach. Perhaps, I'll just aim for that one and then have a little rest.
As I said above, I have had a tense relationship with guru-type figures in the past. It not that I've had any conflicts with them; its all internal, as I struggle to know how to engage with their experience, intelligence, insights and so on.
I've wondered whether the source of the tension is my education. Damn, education. Somewhere along the line, I learnt something that is often known as 'critical thinking'. Doubt, doubt, question, doubt, doubt. Its lovely two-step dance. Try it some time. Doubt, doubt, question, doubt, doubt. I'm sure many of you already have. Doubt, doubt, question, doubt, doubt.
The screening of these two films in my head have given me a new angle on the difficulties I have relating to guru-type figures. I've realised that its not that I'm not willing to be inspired or that I lack humility. Its not that at all.
The second film works shows me a healthier way of relating to people who have worked hard and seem to have have gone further.
Its like this. Instead of following someone else up The Tree, its more helpful for me to see that we're each of us on different trees. We're both still connected, through the shared act of our climbing and there's a lot for me to learn from looking over. The challenges we encounter are somewhat similar but altogether different as well. Its my tree, adapted for (and, perhaps even, adapting to) me and my particular clumsiness.
And the guru, we'll he or she is a different kind of person altogether; she's no longer inadvertently sending down her own debris for me to deal with. In fact, she's mainly busy getting on with her own tree and debris.Does this make sense or have I got the wrong end of the stick? Are there any wise women, sages or guru's out there who can let me know how wrong I've got this all?
