Scooping up

So a brief cycle of inquiry into parenting was initiated by reading something by Magda Gerber a couple of days ago. Explaining her notion of edu-caring I read the following as an example of where I could make a change in parenting practice:

"Whereas the care-giver may scoop up an infant unexpectedly from behind, thereby startling, interrupting and creating resistance in the infant, the educarer always tells the infant before she does anything with him or her and thus gains cooperation"

Having read this little phrase the first thing that happened was that I started becoming more aware of moments when I would do something to Amaya, without telling her what I was doing. It was an occasional observation here and there. Where I pick her up to change smell if she needed a change. Or take away her bowl from breakfast.  I quickly began to get a hunch that quite often I was doing something that Magda had argued against. And I started to wonder whether this was perhaps something I could change. 

And then today, I had some new information to add to my inquiry.

Amaya and I were coming back from Burnt Oak having met Joanna and her daughter Lianna from our days in playgroup in Colindale. We were leaving the coffee shop where we'd spent a relaxed and enjoyable hour or so.  Amaya was in her red three-wheel pushchair and we were about to cross the road. It was near Amaya's nap time and I figured that she was ready to sleep.  A few moments earlier at the coffee shop and we got our stuff together, both Joanna and I had given the kids our phone to distract them little. Amaya still had my phone and I didn't want her to drop the phone on the busy road as we crossed. Without thinking much or saying anything,  I just pulled the phone out of Amaya's hand. 

Cue screaming daughter. Not a mad wail just a low level angry cry. Immediately my thoughts recalled some of Magda's words. 

On the other side of the road, I gave the phone hurriedly back to her to bring some calm. She stopped crying and we walked on for a minute as she played away. 

And then my second attempt with Magda's words more in my mind. 

Hia. Hu phone leilewchu. Tu suijaje. I'm about to take the phone. You can go to sleep now. 

Amaya let go off the phone and within moments nodded off. 

So a little cycle of learning for me about telling Amaya about what I'm going to do before doing it. I'll probably try to develop my noticing of this way of being with Amaya and Raahi for the next little while and see what comes about.